I know that comes a little late but I felt pretty disconnected with Instagram and my blog lately and I feel like I couldn’t bring across how much it meant to me that you all helped me reaching 10k. It’s just a number, I know but I would be lying if I don’t care. It means a lot. This number just shows me that what I do makes sense. That people enjoy it, that I can inspire them and sometimes even make their days a tiny bit better which is an unreal feeling.
I don’t know what it has been lately, to be honest. I am lying in bed right now, while the sun is shining in my face and I just feel like writing. I was scrolling through my posts from one year ago while listening to my spring-playlist from last year and I can’t believe where I am now. Around this time, last year, I reached 500 followers, which feels like yesterday. These old posts reminded me why I started this whole book blog thing – because of my love for books, my love for taking pictures and talking with you all and to be honest, what I miss is being able to answer everyone, to have time to care about every single one of you who comments or messages me but at the moment I just can’t do it. It became too much and I feel very bad for it. I don’t even know if that makes sense.
I never believed that having ‘more’ followers would bring a lot of pressure with it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t make a living of it at all, so that isn’t the reason but just the thought of always having to take perfect pictures, writing interesting captions, answering all comments, being interesting because, of course, you don’t want to loose everything again you worked so hard for. That’s at least how I feel at the moment.
And I think everything else is also a bit overwhelming.
I want to make a decision what I will be doing after my Au-Pair year and I came up with two options which are both unsure and I just don’t know what to do. Making decisions was never an easy talk for me.
Reading through these old posts and listening to my old playlist just makes me really nostalgic and I realize how much has changed since then. My only goal back then was to pass my A-Levels and get ready for Canada which was a huge step, of course but compared to now I feel like my upcoming decisions are so much more important for my future and for myself as a person. They have so much more weight. Probably I put myself under too much pressure and probably I should just enjoy these last three month in Canada because I don’t know yet when I will be able to come back and apparently spring time should be the most beautiful season where I am living and I love spring.
Nevertheless, I catch myself thinking about spring back home and the feeling I always had. I think about what me and my family or friends would be doing on a sunny Friday like this one. I wouldn’t say I feel homesick, no, I am not, just nostalgic.
I miss reading. I miss feeling the excitement after posting a picture. I miss my head full of ideas for pictures but I am also so grateful for where I am right now.
I am in Canada, living with a great host family who I love. My family is coming visiting me in one week. Companies trust me with their products and never fail to push myself taking better pictures. I am healthy and I have amazing friends who I am so excited for to see soon again. I met so many great people here in Canada My little dog is laying peacefully in my bed and enjoying the quiet house and the sunshine, as much as I do.
I don’t want to complain with this post. I just want to tell you all how I have been feeling lately, what has been on my mind and that there are some reasons why I might not be as passionate about bookstagram at the moment as I was a few months ago.
But I also want you to know that I am working on it and that I am still crazy about books and that I appreciate every single comment and message you send me. It just got more difficult for me to show you. At least at the moment 🙂
So, now I have to clean up my room and get ready for this beautiful, sunny day and hope it will be a great one.
I love you all. Thank you.