On my Way: How the Au-Pair year has changed me

Who remembers the kids movie Brother Bear? Oh boy, I’ve loved it so much and actually still do. It’s such a cute, inspiring and uplifting movie and I’ve always been a big fan of the movie soundtrack and the songs by Phil Collins.

In the middle of my Au-Pair stay I received the task to pick a song which suits my year abroad the best and after thinking months and months about it, I finally found the perfect fit.

On my way by Phil Collins from the Brother Bear soundtrack.

Tell everybody I’m on my way
New friends and new places to see
With blue skies ahead, yes I’m on my way
And there’s no where else that I’d rather be

When I first came to Canada I always wondered if my personality and character will change and if it will be obvious to other people. What I didn’t expect was, that I would notice the change myself. But I do.

Now, looking back at all these months, I notice that I went through phases. I experienced different phases which changed me and made me the person I am now.

Let me explain what I mean.

During high school I struggled with lots of headaches. I had them almost every day and it wasn’t really helping with getting stronger or more confident. My parents went to different doctors with me but all of them couldn’t find anything, which is a good thing but also means that they didn’t find a medicine which would help. Back then I just wished there would have been some kind of a magic elixir which could take the pain away. I became unsure with myself, I put too much pressure on myself and I had a hard time trying to concentrate on something else than my headaches which made school difficult. I was, and still am, so happy though to have my family by my side who always made sure that I was feeling loved and cared for. Really, thank you at this point, Mom and Dad.

Anyways, with the time I learned how to live with it. Still I wasn’t proud of the person I was. My headaches were there from now and then and the thing with school was that I liked it but never felt good enough. Not even when I graduated. Which makes me a bit mad now because, holy cow, I graduated and I can be proud of that, right?!

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I was really excited for Canada because I felt like I could start fully over again. I felt like, I can recreate myself, be a new person.

But it wasn’t as easy as I would have imagined it to be. You can’t just become a new person. That is impossible. I had to learn that it wasn’t about creating a new person, but about developing the person you already are, developing your own character, values and your personality.

And guys, without really noticing, I did.

In the last month of my Au-Pair year, I’ve been feeling more happy than ever. I have been feeling so in ease with myself, my host family and my friends from there. I have been feeling so productive and so happy and full of energy. Of course there have been situations where I wasn’t very content or where I was scared of what will happen when I come back home but after being down for a bit I reminded myself that I can do that. That I will get through it because I can proudly say that I got through so much while being here. The homesickness, the adulting, the cranky kids, the sadness, the goodbyes and I believe that I will find my way at home too. I will not let my headache take my life over again. I won’t let my unnecessary thoughts stop me or make me feel small and useless. I will get though it. We ALL will get through it.

This new chapter at home, including studying, looking for a new job etc. is scary and on some days I am overwhelmed but I try to take the whole topic more calm or I plan to 🙂 let’s see how it goes in the end!

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Maybe you are wondering why I am writing about all this since it shows a very vulnerable side of myself. I am writing this post because I want you all to know that it is possible to get through stuff. It doesn’t matter how hard a situation or your life is at the moment. Just remind yourself, that you are strong, confident, beautiful and worth it. You deserve to be happy, so try to make the best out of it. And if I can do it, then you can do it even more!

I also write this post because I want to look back at how I can feel. How powerful and energetic and positive I can be. With this post I want to remind myself when I am down or sad that I can get through it, that I can be proud of myself and that I managed to live abroad all by myself for 10 months.

We are all on our way with blue skies ahead. No snow or rain will stop us because the sun will come back out.

Not the snow not the rain can change my mind
The sun will come out wait and see
And the feeling of the wind in your face can lift your heart
Oh, there’s no where I would rather be

(…)

I’m on my way

Yes, I’m on my way

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If you would like to listen to the song 🙂

The parts (quotes) of the song On My Way by Phil Collins are from songtexte.com.

 

Can’t wait to see you in my next post!

xo, Franziska

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