Yesterday night I read a post from a girl I follow on Instagram. Someone told her that 2019 will be her year as in she’ll find a boyfriend. No kidding, someone told me that too last year.
I never talk about stuff like this because 1. it should always be something between me and future Mr Booksandpeonies and 2. because as weird as it sounds, it makes me feel vulnerable to admit that I am not in a relationship.
But after reading this post yesterday I felt the need to open up and say some things.
HOW SOCIETY MAKES US FEEL
I am so over the fact that society makes us feel like our happiness and worth is depended on whether we are in a relationship or not. Whether we have a boyfriend or not.
It is so not true.
Okay, it might be a bit true. You know how much I love my romance books. It would be a lie if I’d say I am happy by myself. At the moment? Yeah. Forever? No way.
But for the longest time I believed that you can ONLY be happy if you are in a relationship because honestly, every single book I read, movie I watched or person I talked to made me feel that way. Like I am missing out. That all my problems will go away if I find someone.
But that can’t be true. Why should we force a relationship if at the moment it’s okay or even better to be by ourselves? Why does it have to make us feel bad if we tell someone that we are not in a relationship? Why does it always have to be an awkward situation? It’s like with my skin. I feel uncomfortable when I talk about it and the same is when I have to ‘admit’ that I don’t have a boyfriend.
In 2020 I will work on that mindset. I will concentrate on myself. On my own, personal happiness and I will not put myself under pressure. Hell no. Not anymore.
I am a strong believer in ‘The best things happen unexpectedly’ and with that in mind, I will let God decide when time is right.
Now that I am thinking about it, we should totally have this mindset with everything we do. Our careers, Uni, friends and personal happiness. If it’s not the right time yet, then it’s okay. No pressure, no force.
WHY 2019 MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY YEAR
While I was thinking about this topic I asked myself what I’ve reached/done this year. Why 2019 might have been my year even though I didn’t end up with a relationship. And wowiii, a few really cool things happened this year:
- I finished my first semester of Uni, started the second, finished that and am now in my third semester.
- I started a new job
- I had some really cool collaborations
- I visited Sweden
- I went back to Canada. Did my first solo travel and finally saw my host family again.
- I moved out of my parent’s home.
- I read (almost) 20 books. 19 at the moment but I am positive that I will reach 20.
- My local newspaper wrote a whole article about me + my blogging story
- I made + deepened new friendships
I don’t want to show off with the things I mentioned above. In no way. The last few days I’ve been feeling a little bit down because I felt like I am not progressing…like nothing is happening and like I am still the same person I’ve been last year. But now that I see that list and the things I did and experienced in 2019, I can say that it has been a good year. A year with its ups and downs. A year I am grateful for.
So yeah, 2019 might have been my year with or without a boyfriend.
Now, all I can do in 2020 is continue living my life the way I am now, maybe do little adjustments and continue keeping my eyes open but I won’t force anything. I will work on my own personal happiness. Try new things, risk something, learn a new skill, visit a new place, face a fear, do something good. And I am sure there is someone out there. For me, for you, for everyone. Let’s reduce the pressure and don’t make our happiness depend on whether we are in a relationship or not. And who knows, maybe 2020 is the year which meets all expectations. We will see.
𝚃𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎𝚍…
With that in mind, have the happiest new year my friends. I love you all lot ♡
P.S. Daemon, if you are reading this, get over here >.<