Yesterday night I read a post from a girl I follow on Instagram. Someone told her that 2019 would be her year as in she’ll find a boyfriend. No kidding, someone said to me that last year too.
I never talk about stuff like this because 1. it should always be something between future Mr. Booksandpeonies and me and 2. because as weird as it sounds, it makes me feel uncomfortable to admit that I am not in a relationship.
But after reading this post yesterday, I felt the need to open up and say some things.
HOW SOCIETY MAKES US FEEL
I am so over the fact that society makes us feel like our happiness and worth is dependend on whether we are in a relationship or not. Whether we have a partner or not.
It is so not true.
Okay, it might be a bit true. You know how much I love my romance books. It would be a lie if I say I would happy to be on my own for my whole life. At the moment? Yeah. Forever? No way.
But for the longest time, I believed that you could ONLY be happy if you are in a relationship because honestly, every single book I read, movie I watched, or the people I talked to made me feel that way. Like I am missing out. That all my problems will go away if I find someone.
But that can’t be true. Why should we force a relationship if, at the moment, it’s okay or even better to be by ourselves? Why does it have to make us feel bad if we tell someone that we are not in a relationship? Why does it always have to be an awkward situation? It’s like with my skin. I feel uncomfortable when I talk about it, and the same is when I have to ‘admit’ that I don’t have a boyfriend.
It’s silly.
In 2020 I will work on that mindset. I will concentrate on myself. On my own, personal happiness, and I will not put myself under pressure. Hell no. Not anymore.
I believe in ‘the best things happen unexpectedly,’ and with that in mind, I will let God decide when the time is right.
Now that I am thinking about it, we should have this mindset with everything we do: Uni, friends, and personal happiness. If it’s not the right timing yet, then it’s okay. No pressure, no force.
WHY 2019 MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY YEAR
While thinking about this topic, I asked myself what I’ve reached/done this year. Why 2019 might have been my year even though I didn’t end up in a relationship. And wowiii, a few cool things happened this year:
- I finished my first semester of Uni, started the second, finished that, and am now in my third semester
- I started a new job
- I had some cool collaborations
- I visited Sweden
- I went back to Canada. Did my first solo travel and finally saw my host family again
- I moved out of my parent’s home
- I read (almost) 20 books. 19 at the moment, but I am optimistic that I will reach 20
- My local newspaper wrote an article about me and my blogging story
- I made and deepened new friendships
I don’t want to show off with all those things. In the last few days, I’ve been feeling a little down because I felt like I am not progressing, like I am still the same person I was last year. But now that I see that list and the things I did and experienced in 2019, I can say that it has been a good year—a year with ups and downs. A year I am grateful for.
So yeah, 2019 might have been my year with or without a boyfriend.
HEY, 2020!
Now, all I can do in 2020 is continue living my life the way I do now, maybe make little adjustments and continue keeping my eyes open but I won’t force anything. I will work on my happiness. Try new things, risk something, learn a new skill, visit a new place, face a fear, do something good. And I am sure there is someone out there. For me, for you, for everyone. Let’s reduce the pressure and don’t make our happiness depend on whether we are in a relationship or not. And who knows, maybe 2020 is the year which meets all expectations. We will see.
𝚃𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎𝚍…
With that in mind, have the happiest new year, my friends. I love you all a lot ♡
xx Franziska
P.S. Daemon, if you are reading this, get over here >.<
Always on the hunt for good books, strong coffee and the little things in life ♡
Find me on: Instagram
thank you for sharing this post. I love it
Author
Aww, I am glad you liked it! Thank you 🙂
I am so proud of you. You came so far since we first started talking and grew into such a find woman. I hope to see you for real in 2020 little sister, and give you all the support you might need whenever you feel like you need some. I love u.
Author
You are the best big sister someone could ask for ♡ I really hope so too and your support + love means everything to me! Love you so much xx
You don’t have to be under pressure in order to find a boyfriend. You don’t have to rush to find the one you like. These things just jappen. Never think about what people say. People will always say something about you, positive or negative and you can’t change it. Enoy the life because you only live once. Everything will come on the right time for you. Don’t ever compare yourself with other people. We are all different and believe there are more than one person who could like or love you. Do whatever you love and you won’t realise how the time will have passed when you will have met your beloved one.
Author
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me ♡ and I agree with the fact that there are more than one person for everyone. Definitely takes away the pressure. Thank you so much again! xx
100% relatable! No joke, this could be me! Thank you for reminding me that I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy. I knew it back in June when I decided to not get into a relationship with a boy I liked but not enough to call him my boyfriend but started regretting this the last few weeks. Not because I loved him, but because I felt alone and somehow lost my happiness. But this blogpost really reminded me that I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy. I can be on my own. If 2020 will bring me a boyfriend, I would be fine with it but I would also be fine if I will stay alone for another year. My happiness only depends on me and not on a potential boyfriend.
Love Ruth
Author
Oh, Ruth, thank you so so much for sharing your story. That means a lot to me and makes me realize that I am not alone ♡ and yes. I agree with everything you said + your story is very relatable. We are so much more than our relationship status. So excited to see what 2020 will bring for us 🙂
Lots of love, Franziska
What a honest and lovely post! The burden that society and a certain type of mindset put on (single) women is undeniable. I also used to base a large part of my happyness on my relationship status but right now I am actually experiencing somehow the opposite: I am so content with my life and my singleness that it has became hard to make space for someone new. So for me 2020 is the year where I am relearn to make compromise without losing myself. Happy growth everyone!
Author
I am so glad to hear that you concentrate on your own happiness ♡ and yes! Let’s make 2020 the year where we learn to love someone else without forgetting to love ourselves first 🙂 thank you for sharing your story! xx
Oh God, people with this mindset is so annoying! No, you don’t have to have a boyfriend to be happy. And if you look for it, you won’t find him. I met mine when I was really happy on my own, he just made life even prettier than it already was. You are right to be proud for the achievement you’ve made this year, by yourself. You are such a cool person to follow!
Lots of love and I wish you a happy 2020! x
Author
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Eva. It means a lot. And thank you for your nice words ♥️ happy 2020! xx
just found your blog and it’s so lovely! inspired me to do the same thing 🙂 I also want, not exactly just a relationship, but to meet my “one” (guess I’ve been reading too many books as well). but honestly, it seems like the more we want it the more far away it runs ahaha so yes, it’s better to look at the other things in life that make it still quite amazing even if we don’t have a partner to share it with – there’s always so many other people who love us unconditionally that we can share it with
Author
Oh, really? That is so sweet, thank you ♥️ and you are SO right. I definitetely have to remind myself of this more often. Because it’s so so true! xx
I found you recently on Instagram and started reading and following you. You are so lovely and a breath of good vibes. I love your pictures and the passion you put on your writing. I can relate completely to what you wrote about the urge of being in a relationship to be someone. I’m 33, don’t have a boyfriend, but I work, have friends and recently bought my first (tiny) apartment. A relationship can’t define who we are, but our society doesn’t agree…
Thank you for your words and greetings from Portugal!
Author
Oh, Carolina, thank you so much for all your kind words. They mean so so much to me ♥️ it’s so important that we don’t forget our value and that we are soo loved. With or without a boyfriend 🙂 Have a good weekend and sending greetings back 🙂