Yesterday night I read a post from a girl I follow on Instagram. Someone told her that 2019 would be her year as in she’ll find a boyfriend. No kidding, someone said to me that last year too.
I never talk about stuff like this because 1. it should always be something between future Mr. Booksandpeonies and me and 2. because as weird as it sounds, it makes me feel uncomfortable to admit that I am not in a relationship.
But after reading this post yesterday, I felt the need to open up and say some things.
HOW SOCIETY MAKES US FEEL
I am so over the fact that society makes us feel like our happiness and worth is dependend on whether we are in a relationship or not. Whether we have a partner or not.
It is so not true.
Okay, it might be a bit true. You know how much I love my romance books. It would be a lie if I say I would happy to be on my own for my whole life. At the moment? Yeah. Forever? No way.
But for the longest time, I believed that you could ONLY be happy if you are in a relationship because honestly, every single book I read, movie I watched, or the people I talked to made me feel that way. Like I am missing out. That all my problems will go away if I find someone.
But that can’t be true. Why should we force a relationship if, at the moment, it’s okay or even better to be by ourselves? Why does it have to make us feel bad if we tell someone that we are not in a relationship? Why does it always have to be an awkward situation? It’s like with my skin. I feel uncomfortable when I talk about it, and the same is when I have to ‘admit’ that I don’t have a boyfriend.
In 2020 I will work on that mindset. I will concentrate on myself. On my own, personal happiness, and I will not put myself under pressure. Hell no. Not anymore.
I believe in ‘the best things happen unexpectedly,’ and with that in mind, I will let God decide when the time is right.
Now that I am thinking about it, we should have this mindset with everything we do: Uni, friends, and personal happiness. If it’s not the right timing yet, then it’s okay. No pressure, no force.
WHY 2019 MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY YEAR
While thinking about this topic, I asked myself what I’ve reached/done this year. Why 2019 might have been my year even though I didn’t end up in a relationship. And wowiii, a few cool things happened this year:
- I finished my first semester of Uni, started the second, finished that, and am now in my third semester
- I started a new job
- I had some cool collaborations
- I visited Sweden
- I went back to Canada. Did my first solo travel and finally saw my host family again
- I moved out of my parent’s home
- I read (almost) 20 books. 19 at the moment, but I am optimistic that I will reach 20
- My local newspaper wrote an article about me and my blogging story
- I made and deepened new friendships
I don’t want to show off with all those things. In the last few days, I’ve been feeling a little down because I felt like I am not progressing, like I am still the same person I was last year. But now that I see that list and the things I did and experienced in 2019, I can say that it has been a good year—a year with ups and downs. A year I am grateful for.
So yeah, 2019 might have been my year with or without a boyfriend.
Now, all I can do in 2020 is continue living my life the way I do now, maybe make little adjustments and continue keeping my eyes open but I won’t force anything. I will work on my happiness. Try new things, risk something, learn a new skill, visit a new place, face a fear, do something good. And I am sure there is someone out there. For me, for you, for everyone. Let’s reduce the pressure and don’t make our happiness depend on whether we are in a relationship or not. And who knows, maybe 2020 is the year which meets all expectations. We will see.
𝚃𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎𝚍…
With that in mind, have the happiest new year, my friends. I love you all a lot ♡
P.S. Daemon, if you are reading this, get over here >.<